Oh well…. Here it is!!

And of course it really wouldn’t be me if I didn’t include some Michael Jackson jokes!!!

1. Did everyone hear the news that Michael Jackson died? Does anyone know any details? I heard it was food poisoning………he ate some 12 year old nuts.
2. Doctors at the LA hospital where Jacko has passed away are unsure what to do with the body -  plastic recylcing doesn’t go out until Tuesday evening.
3. When Farrah Fawcett arrived at heaven and god granted her one wish. She wished all the children to be safe. So god killed Michael Jackson.
4. Michael jackson has died. to commorate his musical achievements mcdonalds have released the McJackson burger. Its a 50 year old peice of aged albino meat shoved between two 8 year old buns..
5. Michael Jackson is to be melted into plastic bags, he’ll still be white and dangerous for kids…
6. They still don’t know how MJ  died but they are blaming it on the boogie.
7. MJ is to be melted down into Lego, so that kids can still play with his bits.
8. They’ve had to cancel MJ’s London dates, John (8), Stephen (12), Alan (9)

Sorry, is it a bit too soon  for jokes? Not being weird or anything when exactly is it all good to crack jokes. Yes, i’m expecting a backlash, but I don’t really care. You were all making jokes yesteday, the day before, hell, even 10 years before.

Even Latoya would read these, be disgusted, then have a bit of a chuckle…..

TT

Not too much explanation with this one… There’s no one particular background story; it’s really just inspired by the nervous, weird kid that always seems to be your buddy’s little brother who tags along….

It’s been forever since I last posted…. Alot has changed… We’ve changed our El Presidente, we’ve changed our attitudes towards (the formerly gay) small cars, we’ve changed Miss California and i’ve changed my boxers (once).

Firstly i’ve got to say thanks to all the folks that are still crass and vulgar enough to buy and wear Timmy Taylor stuff… It’s no suprise that the more offensive designs are still the most popular. The shocker has been number one since the beginning of the year!

So where have I been? Well, I spent two months in Malawi trying to get adopted by Madonna, it that didn’t go well. I thought it would be great, with me and her new boyfriend being near the same age. When it came down to it we had a strong difference of opinion. I thought that breast feeding was a natural and beautiful thing and tried to suckle, but she dry… Oh well.

Ok, here come the promises. I actually do have a few new designs to draft, and get to the printer, so stay posted. I will try to blog more, if shit doesn’t keep getting in the way (I have a weak stomach, but really like Mexican). We’ll see.

So until next week (month or maybe year)….

TT

And here’s something you probably didn’t already know; on her recent ‘Sticky and Musty’ tour she has compared McCain to Hitlerand Robert Mugabe. Apparently she has some song where images flash up representing war, global warming, <insert generic hippy movement here> and then moves onto images of folks like Adolf “What about the GOOD things he did” Hitler, Robert “Tiny Tache” Mugabe before flashing up an image of the older than dirt John McCain.

I get that she’s an entertainer and it’s kind of their job to support the Democrats, but htis is ridiculous. At the end of the song there are images of John Lennon, Al Gore, Mahatma Gandhi and Barak Obama.

Anyone seen Team America? to quote Janine Garofalo at the FAG convention:

“It is our responsibility to read the newspapers, and then say what we read on television like it’s our own opinion.”

And while we are on politics, I’ve taken a leaf out of Hillary Clinton’s book. Instead of supporting any particular political candidate, i’m only going to lookout for myself. Here’s the new design:

Firstly a big HELL-fuck1ng-O! to Combined Task Force 635 “CTF635″ in Guadalcanal. It’s Australians, Kiwis and Pacific Islanders making sure the Soloman Islands don’t fall into the hands of the japs Chaos Rudy Guiliani shady destabilizing dudes in pick-ups with AK-47’s.

Apparently their favourite bar is Vandersexxx, so i’ve put it on a t-shirt for them.

So Obama has a new running mate! I’m sure Hillary was in the running… hahahaha. What’s this guy’s name again? I think it’s Joe Bin Laden. As it stands, political types are expecting Hillary Clinton to be a possible running mate for McCain. She’s pretty much been helping him out for months so she may as well make it official.

John McCain was quoted as saying “I may be older than dirt, but I aint stupid”.

Oh yeah, for

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Timmy

Hey folks, it’s been sorta quiet around here for a while… About 6 months actually; no new designs or blogs, just filling orders. So thanks to all the people that have kept supporting Timmy Taylor by buying tshirts that offend total strangers. The reason for the was sort of about extended vacations in the UK and Australia. Australia is sweet, the UK is cold, rainy and just a little bit weird (but ok I guess, they’ve got old buildings and stuff).

Got a few new designs on the drawing board, i’ll let now when I release them right here on the blog. I’m going to start doing a prank of the week bit in with my blogs, so bookmark me!

I’ve been watching the olympics over the last week and while Michael Phelps is doing pretty good, how was that Jamaican 100m winner? Gets the gold medal, gets the world record and starts celebrating half way down the track?! Geez I bet if his urine sample is glowing green…

I think some of these events are getting a bit ridiculous too. Sailing? WTF? Thats not a real sport. It’s what you do if you’re to gay to go wakeboarding.  Shooting isn’t a sport either. It’s a method that men use to get food dammit! I saw this one guy that was competing, I think he won gold in Sydney, with a bigger belly than Isaac Hayes (too soon?) Barry White. I guess it gets him a pass to the olympic village where he can try to hook into some transvestite weightlifter.

Yeah, well, until I put a new design out, i’m out.

TT

Geez, she’s aging well…. I didn’t even know she had a new song/album/video coming out, so I guess I can count myself lucky. The song is titled ‘Touch My Body’. I can’t say whether it’s a good song or not, as I always have the volume turned down when I watch her video clips. Here it is:

God bless you Mariah Carey, and god bless your sweet sweet boobies.

On Friday i’m going to throw a few more designs onto the site. If you don’t know who the Flint Tropics are, you soon will. It’s team that Will Ferrells character in Semi-Pro owns/coaches and plays for.

Judging by the previews, I think it’s something i’ll like. It’s going to be released a week too late for the Oscars. What a pain in the tits.

Maybe it wouldn’t have won best picture, but now we’ll never knowfor sure. I thought that the Academy wasn’t so big on comedy until Alan Arkin won best supporting actor last year. Now thats a f*cking joke.

Yeah so the second design: McLovin. I’ve actually got two McLovin designs and i’ll have to decide which one I like most and discard the other one like Britney Spears dignity…

I’ll have a discount for you on Friday too….

Timmay!

But who cares????

Ok, Super Tuesday doesn’t really excite me but the Superbowl was great. The Giants stopped the Patriots in one of the most unlikely Superbowl runs in recent memory. Stealing a place in history from the the New England Patriots seemed unlikely with a minute remaining.

I’ve got to put my hand up and say I thought that Eli Manning was too inconsistant to win a ring, but after breaking away from the Patriots big men to throw a 32 yard pass to David Tyree who caught it on his head… Well i’ll have to say that I was wrong. This was compounded by the following 13 yard TD pass to Burress. The 83 yard drive was awesome… Ok, enough football, lets talk about the main event. The ads!!

The Superbowl Commercials!!

GARMIN - NAPOLEON GOES TO BATTLE

Pretty funny to me, but I studied history. No-one else in the room really got it. I gave a brief history lesson and was made to down my beer on the grounds of me being a dick. They were right.BUDWEISER - HANK THE HORSE TRAINS LIKE ROCKY

I liked this one. I liked it because of the Rocky reference but most of all finding a Dalmatian and Clydesdale that know how to high five.BUD LIGHT - FOREIGN ACCENT

Not so funny, accept maybe the “We make sandwich and I be meat” line. I’ve used that before.ETRADE - VOMITING BABY

Pretty good effects, and the vomiting always makes for a good commercial, but still not great.ETRADE - BABY RENTS CLOWN

Ok, much better than the last one. The baby makes some money, rents a clown- says it’s sorta creepy. I can also identify with this one. This one time I hit the poker tables at Green Valley Ranch. I came out with a bit of extra cash and thought: I really should give this to my baby momma.Instead I went cruisning for pro. $200 was too expensive so I got this midget (apparently the cost is linked to the height of the whore). Just like the baby in the Etrade ad, it was sorta creepy. Still, it wasn’t a dude, so no regrets.

PLANTERS - GUYS GO CRAZY FOR A GIRL WITH NUTS

This one missed the mark. Pretty crappy really.TOYOTA COROLLA - BADGERS CHEW A GUY’S FACE OFF

This one was good… I don’t really know what I was expecting but I do appreciate the sudden and ferocius violence. The guy deserved it; he wasn’t catching the mouse to clean it up, take it for dinner someplace nice then try to bone it. He was trying to kill the thing!

BUD LIGHT - SEMI PRO

Niiiice. I’m a big fan of Will Ferrell- so I guess it’s no suprise that I loved this one. Can’t wait to see the film. It’s out on the 29th

PEPSI - TIMBERLAKE GETS BITCHED

Despite the title, it still wasn’t great. He gets thrown into walls, has his testicles mashed into a pole, and gets hit by a car door but the ad was still as gay as a Boyband after a few mojitos in San Fansisco.

BRIDGESTONE - SCREAMING SQUIRELL

I guess this one was my favourite. The only bad bit was the car they wear driving. A SAAB? Does that guy’s mom know that he drives a pretentious cock-jockey auto?Ok, so I’ve got a few new offensive t-shirts coming out in the next few days. If I stop drinking after the beer that i’m on now, maybe I’ll release them later today.Stay tuned.

Timmay!

Apparently No Ma’am is registered to somebody, somewhere that looks at my website. Damn. Yeah, well there you go. Also, the very day after I was contacted by the No Ma’am people, the people that own Speaker City (oh no, it’s actually not a real store!) to say that the Speaker City design had to go. I’m going to challenge these, so you won’t be able to get these designs for a little while.

On a different note, i’ve just added  a social networking “Add This” button to the main page… It works with:

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So Add Me!!!!